Sep 7, 2011

Robert Lloyd at "Imaginary Garden with Real Toads" asks poets to try their hand at a "bad" poem.  Easy-peasy, Robert!


Grass

grass
grass
grass
Nothing
         No Thing
NOT HING but
grass
grass and glass
grass and glass
the grass like glass

      and

      the

glass like grass
No thing but grass like glass
green
     green
          green

and the ten the then ten
green grass bottles
hang     ING
on and on and on
the
wall.

(Readers please note. The person who wrote this poem hails from the north of England, UK. The poem is "bad" if and only if you pronounce "grass" and "glass" as I would if I could be bothered to read the poem aloud, i.e. with a short, flat "a" sound.  If you say "glahss" and "grahss", i.e. to rhyme with "arse" as they do along our south coast, you will hear the poem is pure, dead brilliant)

11 comments:

  1. I speak with the northern pronounciation and this was a brilliant reply to the prompt!

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  2. As a Southerner not averse to arsing around, the glahss grahss pahsses my stringent test of sahssyness.. or even saucyness. Heinz 57 has just upped to 58.

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  3. P.S. Please note, crass remains crass even amongst us Southerners, as does lass. Would you care to expound upon this fact? Brahss, however is brahss, especially when linked with the words monkey, where-there's-muck or peroxide-y blondes.

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  4. I'm from way down south... and I too rhyme grass and glass with arse!

    Cheers!!

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  5. First rate rubbish poetry, Doctor.

    Hmmm . . . in the matter of pronunciation, the North/South divide sounds rather like a arse-crack, wouldn't you say?

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  6. Whichever accent it's read in it strikes a chord - couldn't tell you which one . . .

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  7. Even in a Canadian accent it's wonderfully awful.
    — K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

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  8. I love the line 'Grass, Grass, Grass.'
    Thanks for sharing




    (sorry, attempting to be ironic!)

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  9. It's bad enough to have to read a terrible poem without attempting both a southern and a northern accent, in the vague hope of finding something clever here.
    This is extremely hard for a Canadian. I am here, saying 'arse', 'grass', and 'glass' out loud in my best plummy accent. Then attempting a northern one, at which I fail miserably. We need to speak on the telephone so I can get some proper elocution lessons, Dr.

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  10. Ah, you come from somewhere really baaaad, do you? Oooop North?
    Poor thing. Couldn't you afford to move South? I'm so sorry.

    That poem, whether it's grassss or graaaas isn't half bad at all. I've seen worse.

    My ex-son-in-law is soon to have a baby with a new partner. He hopes it'll be fur-hurred.

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  11. Ah, what glorious rubbish you produce! Reminds me a bit of e.e. cummings!

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