Dec 29, 2010

Magpie Tales#46

The irrepressible Willow throws down the gauntlet(s) this week and challenges us to duel with . . 

Why in the Name of All That's Wonderful Doesn't English
Tidy Up It's Pronunciation!

There was a young fellow from Hove
who lost (from a pair) the left glove.
He said with a sigh
"How will I get bigh,
If the temperature downwards should move"

Dec 26, 2010

Poetry Bus 27th. December.

To enhance the Festivities, Muse Swings asks for poems to celebrate the worst, most useless present you ever  were given . .  or, if you're brave enough, ever gave!

I phoned my friend, who said
"I fear I'm going bald!"
He will be glad I called!
He should anoint his head
from which the hair has spalled
with Preparation ZED.

I sent some as a gift,
and thought that that was that.
He'll soon have a fine mat.
My present caused a rift.
"ZED" did not baldness shift -
He now talks through his hat!


curse.  Brussels
shall never have
dominion(*) in this
house, where Christmas diners
lurk in unfragrant corners,
buttocks pursed against prevailing
winds, kitchen a No Go Area.
Airwick sweet, uncork!  Out! Out! Brussell Sprout.

(*) You see the ethereeist's problems?  "Dominion"? Thee syllables or four?
    "Area"? Two syllables or three?

Dec 21, 2010

Doc's Microfiction Monday #62

Stony River offers this charming picture prompt. Let's see whether we can use it to subvert the whole spirit and ethos of Christmas . . .

"I don't think the silly prats have seen us yet! Keep out of sight behind the trees . .  then we'll mug them for the pig AND the pudding!"

(138 characters, inc. spaces)

Dec 13, 2010

Microfiction Monday #61

Here is Stony River's prompt for the week: a delightful scene. Need to see about this!

Glenn Close – You Have Much to Answer For.

"There! That's my horrid Big Sister's bunny thoroughly drowned. Now -  fire up the boiler!"

(135 characters, inc. spaces)

Dec 8, 2010

Magpie Tales#44

Willow's picture prompt this week ideally suits the UK weather . . . 


What's become of our friend Esther Crun?
She always thought sledging such fun.
But one day, silly dope
with her heart full of hope
she pushed off. Without rope
she soon drew her last breath
as she whizzed to her death
down the tricky, high-speed Cresta Run.

Dec 6, 2010

Poetry Bus - Pub Names

Kat Mortensen asks us to write a poem, preferably funny, on the subject:-
Pub Names, My "Local"

. . . can you believe it?

A Grammarian Considers.

If "Bishops" is a plural noun
"finger" must be a verb.
So - what do bishops finger
as they wander this sad world?
Perhaps they finger choirboys
or poets at their verse.
But whereso e're  their fingers stray
they always could do worse.
They could finger the five pound notes
left for Church Bell repairs.
(And the plural "Bishops" seems to say
they sometimes work in pairs.)
Gangs of roving bishops
want to finger your best watch,
and the very, very worst of them
will be eyeing up your c****h.

But on the Other Hand

If "Bishop's" a possessive noun,
minus its apostrophe (*)
then "finger'" is a singular
and the choirboys have no hope.
A friendly blogger told me
"You're going o'er the top.
Grammatic truth's all very well.
But I think it's time to stop!"
So!  Flame me with your angry words.
Make your blogcomments vocal!
This grammar buff's in need of drink . . .
Nowwww  . .  dare I risk my "local"?

(*) You gotta pronounce it "ap-os-troaf". The correct pron. screws up the rhyme scheme. Sorry

Microfiction Monday #60

Stony River offers microfiction fans the following gloomy prompt: -

He:  Come over to my place?
She: Where's your place, then?
He:  Bury. 
She: I wouldn't be seen dead in a dump like Bury! Bury's a graveyard."

(136 characters including spaces)
 Bury . . fairly depressing town in Lancashire, UK.

Dec 1, 2010

Not Another Limerick, Doc, Please!

But of course!  This one specially for Willow's wonderful Magpie Tales#43, prompted by -


There was a young man from Lahore
who lost the latchkey for his door.
So he seized his sharp axe
and with one or two whacks
and a great deal of din
he soon let himself in.

But his door in Lahore was no more.