Dec 6, 2010

Poetry Bus - Pub Names

Kat Mortensen asks us to write a poem, preferably funny, on the subject:-
Pub Names, My "Local"

. . . can you believe it?

A Grammarian Considers.

If "Bishops" is a plural noun
"finger" must be a verb.
So - what do bishops finger
as they wander this sad world?
Perhaps they finger choirboys
or poets at their verse.
But whereso e're  their fingers stray
they always could do worse.
They could finger the five pound notes
left for Church Bell repairs.
(And the plural "Bishops" seems to say
they sometimes work in pairs.)
Gangs of roving bishops
want to finger your best watch,
and the very, very worst of them
will be eyeing up your c****h.

But on the Other Hand

If "Bishop's" a possessive noun,
minus its apostrophe (*)
then "finger'" is a singular
and the choirboys have no hope.
A friendly blogger told me
"You're going o'er the top.
Grammatic truth's all very well.
But I think it's time to stop!"
So!  Flame me with your angry words.
Make your blogcomments vocal!
This grammar buff's in need of drink . . .
Nowwww  . .  dare I risk my "local"?

(*) You gotta pronounce it "ap-os-troaf". The correct pron. screws up the rhyme scheme. Sorry


  1. I'd say someone's pointing theirs.

    Well done with the two approaches - using the punctuation to make your point.

    Sadly, there is no rebuttal.


  2. To denizens of TV
    the Bishop name, it's clear,
    refers to good old Harold-
    full of Neighbour's cheer.
    He never touched a drop of drink,
    in the Salvation Army,
    and 'cause he played the tuba,
    people often called him barmy.
    But his fingers all were blameles,
    of that I'm pretty sure
    and choir boys simply sang their hymns
    if Harold knocked their door.

  3. Oh what a fantastic name for a pub. I think. It's almost a whole prompt for the Bus on its own!

  4. I have to agree with Rachel - what a sublime name, conjuring up all sorts of dark visions, as you point out.
    Of course there could be a third interpretation - Bishops' Finger- ie the person who bishops have grassed up.

  5. I love this! Although the subject matter is kind of awful to contemplate (both lust and greed - not good in a Bishop!) AND I love Jinksy's response - thanks for making me smile this evening you two.

  6. Thanks for the laugh this morning! Big smiles over here all due to your silliness!


  7. Totalfeckineejit, never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine a gentleman saying that phrase to me!One does get SO used to being labelled 'Wrong!'- or even 'Wrong address' - like a parcel...

  8. Perhaps they've got the hacked-off saintly relic kind hidden in a dusty case somewhere behind the counter. Would be the least scary of the possibilities!
    ap-os-troff: c'est simplement en fran├žais

  9. I once knew a Bishop named Aaron
    Who never I did get my ware in
    Perhaps he had mem'ries
    Of Bishops and fingies
    And my wares really did
    awf'ly scare 'im.

  10. I once knew a Bishop called Matt
    who asked me to tickle his back
    I said "That's not right
    you're not very polite"
    he said " Sorry
    for being a prat"

  11. I thank you for all the laughs this morning ... an then the warning when I joined your blog. Keep it up!


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