Brrrr . . and Baa . .

G-Man asks for 55 words.  I offer this thought for a wintry evening.

UK weather has turned cold so I'm wearing my fleece. It's blue with elastic at the wrists. It has no pockets. Hardly surprising. Whoever saw a sheep with pockets? It has a zipp, although I for one have never seen a sheep with a zipp even though they'd be easier to shear.  What do you think?

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Sprung.

A Homage to Our Other National Poet, and another Vote of Thanks to the unquenchable Tess Kincaid who has raided the lumber room of Willow Manor to bring us this week's prompt.

(To be sung to a well known Ayrshire Air)

I used to love this old red chair 

till it snapped a spring last June.

And when I sat me down today,

it twanged a Scottish tune.

I punctured am where most it hurts, 

and wounded to the quick.

My butt's now like a red, red rose -

Oh what was a horrid trick!

Chorus: -

That was a horrid trick, dear chair,

That was a horrid trick.

I'll post you on FreeCycle's site

dispose of you real quick.

But no one came to take my chair -

maybe they had no van.

And so I stood me up to think (*)

of a new disposal plan.

Well, soon to he who wrote this song

I found that my thought turns.

I dragged my chair out to the yard - 

Just see how well it burns!

Chorus:-

Just see how well it Burrrrns, my dears

Just see how well it Burrrrns.

The Bard of Ayrshire helped me out,

So thank you Rabbie Burrrrrns. (**)

(*)    Can't sit down, remember?

(**)  The Scots roll their Rrrrr's on the least provocation.  Mine still hurts too much.

Sung by the lovely EDDI READER it doesn't hurt a bit . . .

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Isadora Gruye from the Imaginary Garden with Real Toads challenges poets to explore their guilty pleasure for the shivery delectation of fellow bloggers.  Here goes

Sweet Nothings are my Guilty Pleasure,
soft, succulent and in good measure
I drip them in reluctant ears.
It soothes their minds and dulls their fears.
My honeyed tones excite the Birds
and Bees. They fall for sugared words
Alright for you out there to scoff -
They help me get the wrappers off.

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Noises Off.

Wow! Jeez! Kersplatt!  Biff!  Bang!  Shazam!
Kerplunk! and Zapp! are just a few.
Yuck! Yechh! Blecchh! Barf! Zounds! Ee By Gum!
Gosh!  Golly!  and The Same To You!
Owww! Ouch! and Aaarrggh! mean someone's hurt
Stop Thief! means someone's lost his shirt.
There are many more, but I prefer
the consternation in Ooooerrrr!

55 . . is a "triangular" number! (*)

Here's a joke that my optician told me. It's an example of the "Professionally Contiguous" joke -  for instance, a joke about meat told by a butcher.  It's terrible.

"Heard the one about the man who wore a monocle in both eyes?"
"I know you're going to slay me with the answer. Proceed!"
"He made a spectacle of himself."

Thanks to G-Man for setting us his weekly 55 word task.

(*) Clue . . so is the number of red balls in a snooker set.