Feb 17, 2015

"Are We There Yet?"

I hear on the Beeb that a short-list of 50 Males/50 Females has been selected for a one-way trip to Mars. One of the men apparently can remember pi to 90 digits, so they'll be able to calculate the circumference, surface area and volume of the Red Planet very accurately. The News item didn't say whether remembering pi to 90 digits was one of the selection criteria, but if it was, remembering 90 of the billions of digits to which pi is now known doesn't sound all that impressive a feat. 

Nor did the News item say if the 100 worthy folk included any medics or police. Both of these professions will be required because (statistically), of the 100, at least 4 will be criminal psychopaths who have (easily) bamboozled the learned psychiatrists and clairvoyants involved in the selection process.   I think the proposed expedition is the first stage in George W. Bush's scheme to "Colonise the galaxy"  after George W.Bush and his ilk have made Earth uninhabitable. Also, presumably all the successful candidates are under the age of 3 because they will be very, very old before they blast off from Florida in their converted Routemaster Bus . . . 

Chemical toilets will follow at a later date. Tesco have applied for planning permission.

Feb 10, 2015

Mag 257, 8th. February 2015

Tess inspires our writing with this uplifting picture by Edith Vonnegut for today's Mag.

Action Figures by Edith Vonnegut

I once knew a lady from Bude (*)
  who hoovered her stairs while undressed.
She looked really kinky
when she tripped on the "Slinky"
and her pussy declared "Now, that's shameless!"

(*)    Bude. A small town in Pornwall, U.K.(**) 
(**)  Oops!  Sorry!  CORNwall, I mean.