Jan 12, 2011

Monday's Child#24

This week, bkm asks for our interpretation on this illustration of a well known story -

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat, What Did You There . . . ?

Gatekeeper:    Halt! Who goes there?

Puss:               Out of the way, My Good Man!

Gatekeeper:    Password?

Puss:               Password!  I need no password!  Have you any idea who I am?

Gatekeeper:    (on Entryphone to Castle)  Eric?  Eric, got a real fancy dude here doesn't know who he is.  Asked me if I'd and idea who he is? How should I know who he is? Who's on the Visitor List today?  Got any cats on the Visitor List?

Entryphone     (incomprehensible squawks)

Gatekeeper:    Not that kind of cat, Eric! Hepcats. Rockers. Friggin' jazz musicians. Just an ordinary . .

Puss:               I am NOT an ordinary cat, My Good Man.  I am the revered and universally acclaimed PUSS IN BOOTS, the Queen's Familiar, no less. And I demand entry and if you don't hurry up and be about your miserable gatekeeper business of entering me I.WILL.HAVE.YOUR.GUTS.FOR.GARTERS.

Gatekeeper:   (still on Entryphone) Dude says he's familiar with the Queen. No way! The corgis would eat him alive and We Would Not Be Amused, innit? 

Entryphone:  (squawks)

Gatekeeper:   What's he look like?  He looks like he ran amok in a Charity Shop and came out wearing whatever was sticking to him.  Needs guts for garters to stop his friggin' boots falling off by the look of things. Got a four-foot feather  . . .

Puss:              I'll have you know this feather . .

Gatekeeper:   . . . isn't going anywhere near the Queen. Not a tickler like that, mate.  Get all sorts of Weirdos galumphing about in floppy boots and mysterious four-foot feathers. Never know what you'll get up to.  There's sheep in the Castle Grounds, mate. Probably why you got those friggin' boots on.  So you take your feather and stick it where the Summer Sun never penetrates the gloom . . or . .

Puss:              Or?

Gatekeeper:   Or just enunciate in a loud, clear voice . . today's PASSWORD!

Puss:             (hissing) Try . . Dick Whittington!

Gatekeeper:  OMG!  Ohhhhhhh! Myyyyyyyy! Gawwwwwd! 

Puss:             (seizing Entryphone)  Eric? Is that you, luvvie?  Anyone in Dungeon One? 

Entryphone: (squawk) 

Puss:            POW? Prisoner of War?  Are we at war again? 

Entryphone: (squawk)

Puss:            Oh . . right . .  Prince Of Whassname?  Been trying to persuade Mumsie to abdicate again, has he?  Now listen, Eric . . send a detachment of Guards down to the Main Gate, there's a dear.  Got a Ghastly Gatekeeper here who needs to learn that a Cat May Look at a Queen.  


  1. Oh Doctor you are at it again....What a cat you are...love the boots....and the tickler thingy....where did you find that?....always a pleasure..thank you for sharing...cheers..bkm

  2. Well done, Doc! Good to see you in such fine form and to be back here again - laughed out loud at 'guts for garters'. This is not something one would hear anywhere but there. Where? You know what I mean.

  3. Dunno, dear Deb, where "where" or even "there" is in the context. But you will also find the term G's for G's in Niamh's poem (No.67) in this week's Magpie . . HERE

  4. Well written Richard. I was referred here by Jinksy - Dave

  5. S funny and a true sketch ... just BRILLIANT!


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