Nov 19, 2011

Prose Poem

Kerry O'Connor  at the wonderful "Imaginary Garden With Real Toads" set writers a Wednesdsay Challenge to produce a prose poem. I hope this is in some small way suitable.


INSTURCITONS

All should read instrucitons with great care and thoroughly
fascinate yourself with components various. But first
before you start, open the crate containing these instricutons.
For this a Stanley knife be recommended but have care
and do not let small children interfere. Let then stand clear.
Next, lay out components visibly and count. Be there as many as
there will be shown in illustration T? You give the bubble-rap
to little ones to snap pop crackle but do not fascinate
yourself with fingerworks for wardrobe waits without bewilderments.
For builderwork you need and not supplied, small screwdriver whose
head be cross and one which slot. 10 meeter spanner, bowl of stickstuff
such as Evostic not supply. Warned be Bostic not sufficient strong
and all need care when breathing. Leave all time lids on firm.
All needed screws in small packs seek. Three sizes. Short, long
and longest A, B, D and holes as shown to fit, view head-on always.

Offer now parts A and B to basepart D and brackets F of tin
fix to indicated holes, screws A for these eight holes. Fit now top E
to A then B and brackets similar adjunct with care and screw.
Frame now complete to brace with cross-struts C and D note view
in illustration 3 is back view (not supplied). Now slide shelves
in slots, F,G and H but not until whole back of unit (front view)
fixed with short screws. Here there be 16 holes to finish and all seams
sealed with adhesive squirted. Now load in shirts, shoes and skirts
before ongoing doors in case when stuck will not reopen.

Door hanging levels require great patient skill. 3-way adjustment
on patent bracket special adjust roll, pitch and yaw. Here get spouse
or special friend to hold it while you work or painful crackhead
from door topling. See illustration H for all confusion. At last
invert the hole and fix the casters on, each corner once,
lugs not supplied, but local ironman or B&Q will have. And last
recycle all spare screws by local council wheelies colour known.

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR LEAN-TO WARDOBE!
(Front view will check)

6 comments:

  1. Your mind works in wondrous ways! This is hilarious, right from the misspelled title....

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  2. Are you employed by
    a) Ikea Lookalikes
    b) Taiwan Worldwide
    c) DIY Universal Plonkers Ltd.?
    If not, why not? These instructions, or similar, would be invaluable to them all. :)

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  3. I think I bought one of these!

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  4. Ooh yes, you've captured many of the crazy instructions I've come across, perfectly! :-)

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  5. oh hilarious- I just attempted to construct a table lamp- all sorts of parts and whiz bangs- BUT then I went to screw in the light bulb (not included) and voila- it wouldn't screw in...WTF?
    I tried multiple bulbs. To no avail. Read the directions and this lamp requires a Type A bulb?
    Humpf- jammed all the annoying parts with plastic bags and torn apart styrofoam and returned it "in a huff"....so much for stuff made in China I said!
    This was the first Made in China item I had bought in years. I usually go to extremes to avoid those items.

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  6. ha, this is a riot...thoroughly enjoyed...thank you for the smiles...

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