Oct 3, 2010

Poetry Bus October 4th.

The prompt this week was to scrive about "anything or nothing, or write a poem about the Poetry Bus"

Just the Italian Job!(*)

You thought they heisted tons of gold? No! 'twas
Palgrave's "Golden Treasury of English
Songs and Lyrics," no less weighty, 
stowed where the sunshine does not reach -  
aboard the Poetry Bus, for the fastest 
getaway in Italy!
Too soon, too soon joy turned to wails of grief.
"We're doomed! We're doomed to tumble from the cliff
and splinter on the rocks below! Oh! Oh!"
See how they teeter on the precipice.
(The Wages of Sin is fun for the spectators.)
That'll teach the bandits not to hurtle
round Alpine hairpins weighted down with swag
penned through the aeons since the Dawn of Rhyme
just when they thought they'd got it in the bag. 
There's poetry back there from Good Queen Bess
to our impenetrable Laureate . . .
Even some 'concrete' poems, real heavy stuff,
and tens of thousands of dull pentameters,
the clunking standby of the English Muse
who "wanders lonely as a cloud" (that's only eight!)
But I digress. Come on, now! Who
can save this motley crew
aboard their rocking bus?  
I'm not knocking their intelligence, but guess
reading aloud won't make their haul weigh less
and tip the balance in the robbers' favo(u)r.
Has anyone out there got the flavo(u)r
of a really great idea however queer?
You at the back there!  What's that you say?
You think much more light verse would save the day . . .
Only nine carats worth, pal!  I don't think
the CrewCrook'sPlan now teetering on the brink
can be redeemed with funny stuff by Lear,
Belloc, McGonagall or Ogden Nash. 
They're going to crash
into the abyss unless they find
a way to load the bus's front
and right its equilibrium, unbalanced
by all those Palgrave volumes stashed behind.
So this is what to do.  All Bloggers, send
your usual weekly effort, marked

(*) Helps to have seen the 1969 Michael Caine version of the film


  1. I tried and failed to sing this to the tune of 'Self Preservation Society'. How about a little tribute to Professor Peach for your encore?

  2. That's a great one, Doc. Never realised the Bus was in such peril, but the best dangers sneak up on you like that.

  3. For a small fee, I'll come and sit on the front fender, for balancing, while you hunt down a tusker or two to pull the bus back onto the road...
    Failing that, a helicopter and a large sling might take the weight off the back end for you...

    Do you get the idea I'm in favour of lateral thinking, rather than literal action?

  4. Doctor FTSE . . . this looks and sounds more like a real poem than anythig I've read all night. I love the "CrewCrook'sPlan" - except it's merely "clever" rather than relevant to the poem. Bloggers should all read William McGonagall. It would give them a standard to aspire to.

  5. I think I'll just sit quietly in the middle of the Bus and hope someone 'rights' it.

    A great read ...........

  6. The notion of all that weighty crap in the back is hilarious, Doctor! I'll join Jinksy on the bumper for nothing.

  7. Gosh you're a silly bugger! Of course the Laureate is penetrable. You really do have some queer ideas.Somebody with your acute sensibilities shouldn't be driving a bus anyway.The two Fat Ladies will save the day. Clarissa Dickson Wright
    can whisper sweet somethings in your ear.That
    should sort it.

  8. Rall . . our esteemed Laureate is impenetrable as far as I'm concerned. Should have been Wendy Cope.
    Enchanted Oak . . not all of the Golden Treasury is weighty crap, but thanks for the thought.
    Mrs. T . . . you almost read my mind!
    Gorillas . . . Professor Peach was played by Benny Hill, right? A deeply unfunny, misogynistic, dirty minded little twerp in my opinion.
    All commenters . . the "problem" on which the film ended was made the subject of a competition, believe it or not. Read about it HERE


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