A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)
Not Rhyming but Rambling.
Yes! Far too common! Time that it was stopped.
Next thing you know the punters will want demos
with Coastgaurd Marshals watching from the shore
for drifting teeth and wind-assisted lobsters
drumming up the Channel in the mad, March days
with cargoes of little girls screaming
for their Mummies, and pot-bellied old gentlemen
thrashing to their rescue on cheap tin trays,
their limbs like little paddle wheels, churning
through the brine. Perhaps they dream Her Majesty
will recognize their gallantry, and medals, pinned . . .
No pins! No pins! There's blow-up toys about!
You want the bulging lobsters and the teeth
to go all soggy in a hissy-fit?
This is a Safety Issue! You want your daughter
astride her teeth to be blown out the water?
You want the man astride his lobster pink
to end up like a flounder in the drink?
So keep our molars safe! Also our fins!
IKEA sell protective caps for pins.
(With apologies to Stevie Smith and John Masefield)
I thought I recognised some of the rhythms, allusions and almost rhymes.
ReplyDeletecaps for pins! ( never been in Ikea, here it is ridiculously big) and RHYME! and rhythm ! good one- Thanks
ReplyDeleteI like the gentlemen on trays!
ReplyDeletex
Talk about take an idea and run with it! You paint a wonderfully absurd picture that will be hard to shake.
ReplyDeleteOh that is great, Dr. FTSE!
ReplyDeleteReminds me of Winnie-the-Pooh with his balloon wanting to reach the honey from the bees in the tree - Pooh trying to look like an innocent little cloud - but something was missing, the strong gale of your verses!
Or Jakob van Hoddis, German expressionist:
Weltende (1911)
Dem Bürger fliegt vom spitzen Kopf der Hut,
In allen Lüften hallt es wie Geschrei.
Dachdecker stürzen ab und gehn entzwei
Und an den Küsten – liest man – steigt die Flut.
Der Sturm ist da, die wilden Meere hupfen
An Land, um dicke Dämme zu zerdrücken.
Die meisten Menschen haben einen Schnupfen.
Die Eisenbahnen fallen von den Brücken.
Ah, so fortuitous there is a Monty Python picture right alongside...
ReplyDeleteFirst, congratulations for spotting the story and the coastguard's blinder of a quote.
Second, the poem is a magnificent response. Loved it!
Excellent fun and very clever.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing
martine
Frabjous! I would definitely scream if a pot-bellied old gentleman came thrashing toward me.
ReplyDeleteThere was some sort of inflatable regatta going on, I hope.
pot-bellied old gentlemen
ReplyDeletethrashing to their rescue on cheap tin trays,
their limbs like little paddle wheels
Oh, this is the stuff of nightmares! Heaven preserve me from seeing an action replay of such a scene in my dreams tonight! :)
Wonderful medley of poetic scraps in this to nudge the memory, Doc! :)
twas ripe for ribbing!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the belly laugh this gave me, Doc. I loved the mixture of quotes and jokes.
ReplyDeleteI was looking without success for your 100 word wordle when I came across this one.
ViV
Nice find--I think you created quite an image with that one.
ReplyDelete