Oct 18, 2011

Third Campaigner Challenge

Rachael Harrie's marvellous third campaigner challenge asks for a beach centered story of 300 words. For full details, follow the link.

Ozzy Simpleforth, King of Deckchairs

  "Oh listen to the sea and smell the salty breeze!" Simpleforth fought with a deckchair. "One can almost taste it! And hark! The crashing breakers fling spray to make the chilled skin tingle." That the deck chair was winning seemed beyond doubt. Simpleforth's face appeared through a fold of striped canvas. "Truly the seaside is a sybantec experience, antidote to a life entacised by ennui. But Heavens! I miss my bucket and spade, dearest. How could I forget such indispensable seaside accessories?"
  "No need for sarcasm," from Dearest. "Fed up already, are we?"
  "What's so stimulating about miles and miles of sand followed by miles of ocean." The deck chair, erect at last, creaked as he slumped. "One must keep one's fingers away from the joints. A man can lose valuable digits. God did not give me fingers to be sacrificed to overzealous deckchairs."
  "Stop fretting, for Goodness sake. Relax."
 "Look folks! Simpleforth relaxed, and partner, enjoying the holiday of a lifetime. Can you smell something?"
  "What now?
  "I have ten fine toes to wiggle in the sand," he said, sniffing, "As do you. And even though the lone and level sands stretch far away, we manage to choose a pitch next to a heap of donkey dung!"
  "Alright, Ozymandias. The Wastopaneer will be along soon to shovel it up. Now shut up. I'm reading my kindle."
  "And with a final fart, the donkey trotted off hee-hawing 'Look on my works ye mighty, and despair!' "
  "You're a disgust."
 Something deep in the deckchair's latticework cracked like a pistol shot and, still bearing its occupant, collapsed, a colossal wreck, onto the sand.
  "Blast my bollocks!"
  Dearest concentrated on her kindle, lips set in a mirth-concealing line. "Still got all your fingers?" she asked, a wholly false note infecting her solicitude.

(300 words)

(Apologies to Mr. Percy Bysshe Shelley.)


  1. Nice take on the challenge. Great job!

    (I'm entry #5)

  2. Good humor in the telling! Good use of the words as well.

  3. I just love that you used Ennui in your piece. I'm such a word snob and I love that one.
    I need to remind myself to stop reading your blog at work - I usually laugh and garner odd looks from my co-workers.

    Well done.

  4. Your title alone is breath-taking! :)

    Mine is #25.

  5. My Mum once got a finger trapped in a deckchair while on holiday in the I.O.W... It ripped a fingernail, which ended up as a flap of skin with nail attached...We flapped, getting her to a doctor...
    I guess I'll pass on saying 'Thanks for the memory'... :)

  6. I should've checked the link first :) Then I would've saved time looking up the words. I like Simpleforth's adventures in life. They make me giggle. Thanks!

  7. Too funny. I've been on holiday with this guy...

  8. monty python-esque indeed, sir!
    well done!

  9. This was so funny, I had to read it twice! Wonderful dialogue and catchy voices. Once again, great job! :)

  10. SO FUNNY! Blast my bullocks should be someones catch phrase. Great job :) I'm off to vote.

  11. Zany humour always gets me in the laughter zone - great descriptive prose!

  12. Nice take on the challenge! Great job!

    I'm entry #69 :)

  13. Funny and awesome entry. I'll go vote....

  14. *chuckling* This is AWESOME humour... and a unique take on the prompt...
    Loved the Ozymandias angle...
    (My entry at no.#47)

  15. Truly one of my favorites. I'm a new follower and I'm #65 on the linky list.

  16. You are completely mad! I just love the silly humour - been missing the eccentricity of my fellow Brits. So glad I found your blog again, I lost it somewhere. Must bookmark you somewhere :) Voting now ....

  17. Brilliant. ;) I almost choked on my cereal visualizing Simpleforth's face peeking out from the deckchair.

  18. Haha very British humour, methinks!

  19. I laughed snickered all the way through. Hope I was supposed to. I mean, you used "fart." ;)


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