Oct 14, 2013

Mag 190

Tess gives us an appealing photo of a dog with a world view to inspire us this week.

The Man in the Bowler Hat

Here he comes again. Same time every morning. That man in the bowler hat.  My ambition is to make his hat my own.  If the gap in my master's fence was one plank wider I could achieve my goal.  Every morning the man leans down to pat me and says "Hello, Boy! How are we today?" Well, I know how I am. All I know about him is he's wearing my hat. Where was I?  Yes. If the gap was a bit wider I would growl and throw my head back and bark. Whereupon he would jerk his hand away and look alarmed. When he backed away I would squeeze through the gap. Then he would look  really scared, wondering whether to stand his ground and make conciliatory noises, turn and walk briskly away, or run for his life. I'm a big dog, and powerful, despite being pink with blue eyes.  Really, he'd have little chance.  If I could talk I'd say "I don't want to hurt you. Just hand over the hat." But as you know, dogs can't talk, except for some pathetic little mutts who get on TV because they can say "Sausages." So I'd spring. Too bad if I knock him over. I'd seize the hat by the brim and yank it off his head, so I would.  The man, recovering from his alarm, would see me lying down the way dogs do, full length with the hat between my front paws. Maybe he'd say "Ah!  It's a game you want?  You want me to throw the hat and shout 'Fetch'!"  He'd be confusing hats with sticks. The Man Who Thought His Hat Was a Stick. But when he reached down to retrieve his hat I'd get a grip on the brim.  I'd win the pulling match because I'm big and strong as well as pink.  Pretty soon he'd see my teeth marks in the brim and mutter something like "Oh botheration! Now it's all serrated.  Well, I can always buy another hat."  Then he'd pat me on the head and walk away.  Maybe he'd look back over his shoulder, to see me biting more bits out of the brim so it looks like a black flower with petals. But he'd be round the corner before he saw me biting a big hole in the smooth, round crown of the hat so I can push my head through it and wear it  round my neck, the best dog collar in all the world.  Pity the gap isn't wide enough.


  1. Oops...bloody typo....OK. so here's a second attempt ...

    Your dog's eye view made me smile.
    It made me think of my railway station, where the train-robot voice chanted 'Please mind the gap!'
    But I'd give this pugnacious pooch my hat any day, if he promised not to bite my bum...

  2. Really enjoyed this...couldn't help but image this dog in a bowler...

  3. Sharply inventive; quite entertaining...

  4. Very enjoyable and I'd like to thank you for the morning laughs! I must say it's nice to find a few stories amongst all the poets. Serrated the edges, ha ha!
    I wanted to say hi, I just realized I know you and have been here before, in fact I follow this blog. Nice to see us both end up on Mag! Take care!

  5. My dogs especially appreciated this post! Very good. ;)

  6. Excellent. Love 'The Man Who Thought His Hat Was a Stick.' and thinking of 'the best dog collar in all the world' makes me smile.
    Anna :o]

  7. Even though he's pink, with blue eyes, he'd look smashing in that bowler (as a flower--tee hee--or a collar). Thanks for the chuckles.

  8. Beware of pink and blue eyes! If we really only could hear what they think... (mine "ball, ball, ball, squirrel!!! .... ball :)

  9. A dapper dog he'd be. Pity...


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