May 24, 2011

Magpie Tales#67

Tender hearted Tess at Willow Manor says several writers asked her to use this picture for the prompt this week.  O.K . . which of yous guys wuz it?


You guys don't like your Tudor kit?
Too bad, 'cos we've a film to shoot.
Will you stop fiddling with that lute
and try to concentrate? Is it
to much to ask? Address your task.
ACTION! Pretend to eat a bit
of stage-food pigeon. Then we'll shoot
the sword-fight. Great in Tudor kit.

Which half-wit cast that dozy broad?
Can she remember her next line?
What's that? She has none? Great. That's fine.
Maybe that's why she looks so bored . .
(Again that lute. Has he no mute?)
ACTION! The cost of filming's soared
because she's guzzled so much wine . .
Which slaphead cast that half-cut broad?

Now what's the matter with your glass?
You think it's cracked? Don't tempt me, Son!
Oh alright! Get a crack-free one.
Things would come to a pretty pass
if you got . . CUT! I wish I'd put
that cloth-eared lute man out to grass!
SOUND! ACTION! Can we please get on -
if  Dumbo's happy with his glass?

I sure do love the waiter's stance,
his servile manner, his trim build.
He knows his place. If soup got spilled
he'd cough discreetly, look askance . .
He's really sweet, short and petite . .
He loves the lute man? Not a chance!
He's the young lily I might gild.
Oh how I love that waiter's stance.

That beardo wears such silly shirts
Shirts? They're more like big girls' blouses.
He never plays to my packed houses.
He needs a good kick where it hurts.
(That lute dude needs two fingers rude!)
He doesn't speak lines, he just blurts
them - or grumbles, grunts and grouses.
Some weirdo! And some silly shirt.

All actors think they're really 'it'
think filming is a piece of cake,
think I'm the film-world's greatest fake,
think everything I've shot is sh*t!
(That f**k**g lute will feel my boot!)
ACTION YOU SWINE! You're all unfit
for acting! THIS IS ONE LAST TAKE!

I'M the Director and I. am. IT!

(Luke Prater at One Stop Poetry this week introduced poets to the "High Octain" extension of the Octain form.  The poem above extends the form even further and I claim the World Record (so far) for the "Skyscraper Octain." - 6 storeys.  An example of the "Bungalow Octain" can be found one post down.)



  1. Unique take on the prompt - why would anyone expect anything less? ;-)

  2. How fun ... you put Spielberg and Scorsese to shame ...

  3. You went with film and I went with TV. Great minds...

  4. I think we both worked on the same film..waddya think? But we know that the writer is the one who is "it"!!

  5. I like that last line, too: "I'M the Director and I. am. IT!" Well, at least you're not Lars von Trier! Snarly imbroglio that one feels in the gut. Imaginative take!

  6. I LOVE this one. ... all actors and theatre lovers know who the REAL "prima-donna" is.. the director! Yes, and this is a SKYSCRAPER of an octane... Wow!

  7. Oh, are you not clever. I'm not sure which I enjoyed most, the skyscraper, or the bungalow. I did read your "about moi" commentary, and, bravo for balanced in blogland IS a rarity. In honour, I didn't succumb to ellipses taking place of full sentences, ha! Thanks for your visit ~

  8. I don't know what's funniest - the giant octain itself, or the sly digs at "adherence to form" in the "Skyscraper" and "Bungalow" version. Cutting someone down to size, are you, Doctor?

  9. The third line of your fifth stanza has nine syllables. You'll have Luke Prater after you, you bad, bad Doctor.

  10. Good write. I enjoyed this.

  11. God, I'd hate to be on the receiving end of YOUR megaphone...! That was film-flickingly-fabulous!!

  12. Such a fun take on the prompt, they do all look a bit like bad extras!

  13. LOL, the most distinctive take on this I've seen thus far (during today's readings, approximately twenty poems).

  14. so much fun, thanks for making me laugh!

  15. Brilliant! You deserve an Academy Award for Best Director for this one! Your skyscraper octain is a wonder. For further inspiration, you may want to try out a stunning but little known poetic form, the Trimetran, deliciously explained here:

  16. Fantastic! Most enjoyable. Love the 'big girls' blouses' bit. Made me giggle.

  17. I had to come here right after reading Stafford's and your comments there. His and your play-related takes on the magpie fascinated and delighted me...and they were as different as different can be from one another. What a treat!

    Not only did you do something to tweak with the painting (right?) that gives it a whole new feeling, but your directorial dialogue makes the whole scene jump into action for me. Loved it.

  18. Well the waiter's luck is in!

    Big girls' blouses indeed - has to a northern director! Bill Gaskill perhaps??

    Great writing - I love the fun ones so much.


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