Mar 5, 2010

Lifestyle Tips for Beginners

1.  Never wave a red rag in a china shop.
2.  Never site your pop-up toaster directly under a cuckoo clock.
3.  If you play the violin or the trombone, never buy a house where the downstairs bathroom has no window. 

15 comments:

  1. What a sense of humor you have....:-) Hugs

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  2. There's a deafening silence here, Dr., for the most part. I nearly snuck away without saying anything because....well, you probably know why.

    I'm going off to have a think about all of that.

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  3. I . . should be obvious. But for visitors unfamiliar with English idioms, the releveant ones are
    " . . is like a red rag to a bull" and "a bull in a china shop" You can have fun 'compounding' figures of speech. "Give him enough rope and he'll take a mile", "Give him and inch and he'll hang himself" "Too many cooks are better than one", "Two heads spoil the broth." There is absolutely no point to this sort of insane activity except SEE BELOW . . .

    Many years ago I studied under an excellent writing coach/mentor/tutor whatever. He refused to call the class "Creative Writing", believing that what writers primarily need is imagination. So his class was called "Imaginative Writing" Half way through each 2 hour class, he alloted 10 minutes for a "writing exercise' He gave a "prompt". The prompt in week 1 of the class was "I have always wanted to . . . " That was all.

    2 above . . the cuckoo clock, was a 'prompt' he used later on in the course, when the class had grasped the point . . that ANYTHING can flip your imagination. He confessed later he had seen it as a newspaper cartoon. (Think seagulls pinching childrens' icecream cones . )

    3. If there is no window, you can't (obviously) open it. So there's nowhere for the end of your violin bow or your trombone slide to go in and out when your spouse/partner/favourite Belgian packs you off to the smallest room to practice your infernal bluddi instrument. French horn would be OK. Or the geetar. You've even got somewhere to sit! Imagine that!

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  4. Oh thank you, Dr. I felt so stupid, but this visit from you has fixed everything right up. Well, I still have lingering feelings of stupidity, but I'm sure they'll go away with a bit more of your medication. Am I taking the medical thing too far??

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  5. Hello Deborah. Do you see that you were never supposed to figure out what MY answers were, but rather to invent your own? This is what the writing coach's exercises were so very good for. He told me privately that all too many would-be writers are actually scared of their own imaginations because (as you now know!) some of the places imagination leads us are very, VERY bizarre! Have you seen Jinksy's wonderful 55 this week! That's imagination!

    I shouldn't really blow my own tuba, but my effort at "I have always wanted to . . " eventually saw the light of day as a published poem which you can find HERE
    This is probably where the insanity really kicked in.

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  6. I do see that now, but my saggy brain needed the explanation first. Thanks - what fun!
    PS I did go and listen to you playing the tuba, and am glad I did.

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  7. Thank you, Deborah. All my pomes on the poetry blog have been published in one UK poetry mag. or another . . . and paid for! Wheee!
    I think my lifetime earnings from pomes must be around £25 - £30!

    I have read the tuba poem at many poetry gatherings and readings. There has always been someone in the audience wanting to know if I was drunk when I wrote it, or . . "I didn't some here to listen to rubbish like that!" As they say elsewhere . . C'est la vie!

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  8. Your blog is very funny. I've had a good read and a good laugh.

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  9. I do like the compounding. What fun results. Must try to think of a few myself. Like "a stitch in time is worth two in the bush" (but that doesn't have the humour of your examples).
    I didn't 'get' the third tip about the violin and trombone. Maybe it's cos I do manage to play violin myself in confined, windowless spaces. You position yourself longways instead of crossways.

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  10. Foody . . of course yours has humour! And you win on the windows! Ahh . . but what if that smallest room is square! (The example is there only to spark the imagination!)

    Fran . . thank you. Your comment encourages me to carry on, despite groans from the audience . . .

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  11. Foody is right.A stitch in time is worth two in the Australian bush. If it's not in time you get syncopated and get nothing.

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  12. thank goodness you explained your reasoning to Deborah and very lucid it was too.
    I needed it.
    As far as the violin bowing arm is concerned, that also needs rather a lot of space to do some non-fiddle-contact bowing, as in bowing.
    O forget it, you'll never get it.

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  13. No, Friko . . I get it! I get it! You mean "bowing" as in bending over from the waist, for example - when a violinist finishes his performance in the bathroom and has to bow in order to hoist his pants up again.

    I've often thought that if English is not one's first language, our spelling and pronunciation must seem to be an impenetrable mystery.
    Consider -"Cough" "Through" "Enough" "Bough" "Though" "Thought" "Thorough" "Dough" "Sough" (Something the wind does, Mrs.Trellis tells me)

    George Bernard Shaw used to ask folk to pronounce the word
    "GHOTI." It says "FISH!" "GH" as in "EnouGH" "O" as in "wOmen" and "TI" as in "DictaTIon" Food for thort!

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  14. Doc, our brains will never be starved while you keep prividing such food for them!

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  15. I don't know why this post of yours popped up in my reader along with the recent ones - weird huh?

    But now I've read it, and this is a response to the original post, not the convolutions the comments took...can I add another one:

    Never juggle with your mouth open.

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